My kids are in Middle School, so I don’t claim to be an expert on parenting older kids, BUT sometimes it just takes a little common sense.
I was chatting with my sister yesterday and she was complaining about her 1st year college student son’s lack of respect towards her and her husband. We went back and forth like a ping pong match on her issues with him and my poignant rebuttal to her parenting for each of his disrespectful actions. You see, I come from the place where there are not problem kids as much as poor parenting. Her latest issue was that he just expects her to pay for college and that was a rite of passage for him when he graduated high school. Yes, go ahead and gasp! She actually said that all parents pay for college it’s like providing bus transportation to elementary school (WHAT?!). I know, gasp again. Obviously the stress is making her illogical! I did a quick investigation on this fact (or lack of one). To set the record straight, on average only 39% of parents pay for their children’s college expenses. Kids AT ANY age are not going to value something that you do not value as well!
As I got off the phone, I thought about my own experiences and how my parents raised SIX KIDS and received so much respect and appreciation from all of us. I was privileged and lucky enough to have my college paid for by my parents. I TRULY appreciated my parents sacrifice and generosity to this day! One thing I remember vividly was the DREADED payment day where the school gave me the college tuition bill and I went home and humbly and appreciatively asked my parents for the money. I remember it as clearly as I’m writing this post! We would sit down at our dinner table for the “BIG talk” and evaluate how I was doing and how I could improve. After an in-depth analysis, the check was written. The light bulb went on! I called my sister and asked her logistics on paying tuition. I was NOT SHOCKED to learn that she does EVERYTHING and her son is very much in the dark about how magically he’s able to attend school, be housed and eat 3 square meals a day. I told her to change that immediately. Stop the yelling about his behavior and have him do everything in regards to his college payment. Let him make the trip back home and ask his parents for the tuition money. I thought this would do a few things:
- Teach him responsibility for paying bills.
- Understand the large amount of money his parents are spending on him
- Give her the power back! No respect … NO CHECK!
I truly love my nephew and think he’s a great kid BUT as parents, until our children are COMPLETELY independent there are still lessons to be learned. If you’re paying, you have the right and responsibly to be teaching! If you can relate to this story, don’t make everything so easy for your kids. We are not doing them any favors!
Happy Sunday! I hope my sister doesn’t read this!